3) Time it
Timing is as important as what you say!
Ask yourself these questions:
- Would you like to tell the father of your baby before or after you’ve told your parents?
- Would you like him to be with you when you tell your parents?
- What about the father of your baby coming to your pregnancy center appointment with you?
Regardless of the above answers, make sure you find a time where you will not be distracted or interrupted. Never have hard conversations when you are tired or at a point of transition. What is a point of transition? Those times when you are just waking up, leaving for work, coming home from work, or heading to bed.
4) Respect his reaction
This may be a lot for the father of your baby to take in. Make sure to allow him time to process what you have just told him and understand everyone processes information differently. He will need this whether this is good news or difficult news for him.
From being calm and you wondering if he has even heard what you have just said, to him blurting out something insensitive, and sometimes not even believing you…there is no typical reaction. These are all normal responses to shock. Try to be understanding. Remember, you have probably been through it yourself over the past few days.
Finally, this is not a one and done conversation. Think of the this as just the beginning of an ongoing conversation. Make a date to talk the next day, when he’s had a chance to process the news.
5) Handle conflict healthily
Things might become difficult to deal with if his reaction is not what you were expecting or hoping for. You might be disappointed to find out that he is not supportive of the pregnancy.
A few suggestions:
- Listen to his reasons. Listen to understand not be understood.
- Try to determine the cause of his reaction. Is he worried about finances? Worried about the life change? Once you understand then you can work together to make a plan.
- If your boyfriend just does not want a baby and you do, you need to express your feelings. You can say something like, “I understand your feelings but I plan to have this baby. Please know that the door is open to continue this conversation should you desire to support my decision.”
- If things are getting heated… call a time out. It is amazing how 20 minutes apart will bring back peace and order.
- If you do not initially get the reaction you were hoping for you will likely be upset. Try saying, “I understand that you’re surprised, and I am emotional. Can we take some time to think and try talking about this again?”
6) Get Help
If you don’t see eye to eye, seek counseling before making a rash decision. Prestonwood Pregnancy Center can help you access counselling should you need it.
(Part One of this article can be found here)