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She Wants an Abortion and You Don’t: A DFW Father’s Guide 

Most articles online assume the man is the one pushing for the abortion. Maybe that’s true sometimes. But if you’re reading this, your story is the opposite, and you’re not getting much help. 

You want this baby and she doesn’t. Right now, you’re sitting with a feeling there isn’t really a word for: powerless, but also responsible. Quiet, but desperate. Wanting to fight for something, but afraid that fighting will make it worse. 

If that’s you, keep reading. This isn’t a lecture. It’s a guide written by people who work with men in exactly your situation every week at our three pregnancy centers across Dallas–Fort Worth. 

First, Get Honest with Yourself About What You Actually Have to Offer 

Before you say anything else to her, you need to take a hard internal inventory. Not because you have to earn the right to want this baby, you already have that right. But because the conversation that’s coming will go very differently depending on whether you’re showing up with empty hands or with something real. 

Sit with these questions: 

  • Can I tell her what kind of father I plan to be concretely, not vaguely? 
  • Have I thought about housing, work, and money, or am I asking her to carry the planning? 
  • Am I asking her to choose this baby, or am I asking her to choose this baby with me? 

The answers don’t have to be perfect. Most men in this moment don’t have a polished plan. But she needs to see that you’ve started thinking, not that you’re hoping she’ll think for both of you.

Second, Lower the Temperature Before You Talk

When two people are scared of the same situation but want opposite things, the first conversation almost always goes badly. She is not the enemy. She is your partner facing a body-altering, life-altering decision, and she’s terrified. Your fear and her fear are not the same fear, and they don’t combine well in the same room. 
 
Here’s what helps. Before you talk, get clear on three things you want her to hear. Maybe it’s: “I am here for you and I am not going to disappear. I want this baby but I want to work through this together.” That’s enough for a first conversation. Argument-stacking will shut her down faster than anything else. 

Third, Speak Without Pressure

There is a real, important line between sharing your heart and pressuring her. Crossing that line, even out of love, almost always pushes her toward the decision you don’t want. The research on partner pressure in abortion decisions is consistent: when men shut down their partner’s voice, even with good intentions, women often comply outwardly and resent it inwardly for years. 
 
Try this kind of language:

  • “I want you to hear what I’m thinking, and then I want to listen to what you’re carrying. Both of those matter.” 
  • “I’m scared too but my fears are _______.” 
  • “Can we slow this down? You haven’t asked me to decide anything yet, and I don’t want to push. I just want you to know where I am.” 

Avoid: “If you do this, I’ll never forgive you.” “You can’t kill our baby.” “You’re being selfish.”

These don’t change minds, they end conversations. 

Fourth, Don’t Disappear

This is the most common pattern we see at our center: the man wants the pregnancy, the conversation goes poorly, and he withdraws, he stops calling, he gives her space, and he tells himself she needs to figure it out. 
 
What she hears is: he didn’t really want this baby. If he did, he wouldn’t have vanished when it got hard. 
 
Withdrawal in this moment is not respect, it’s abdication. Stay present and send a text that says “I’m still here. I’m still in.” That’s it. You don’t have to argue. You just have to be respectfully present. 

Fifth, Bring Someone In

This decision is too big to carry alone, and your relationship is too strained right now for the two of you to navigate it without help. A neutral third party – not your mom, not her best friend, not someone with a side – can change the temperature of the room. 
 
At Prestonwood Pregnancy Center, we have male client advocates who specifically meet with fathers in your situation. The conversation is free, confidential, and not pushy. We’re not going to manipulate her and we’re not going to manipulate you, either. We’re going to help both of you slow down, name what’s actually driving this, and look at all three options honestly: parenting, adoption, and abortion. 

If You’re in DFW, Here’s What’s Next

Call us at (972) 428-4700, text us, or email ppcmens@prestonwood.org. We have offices in Richardson, Southwest Dallas, and Fort Worth. A male advocate will meet with you and walk through the situation honestly. There is no charge. We are focused on you. 

Visit our Men’s Services page to learn more and request a session.
 
You don’t have to be ready to fix this today. You just have to be willing to take one next step. 

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